Working towards a world full of colourful socks

I found these little stories in my creative writing archive this month, and thought I would share them with you. I was working at the Edinburgh College of Art at the time… Imagine you’re in Edinburgh around 2002, and you buy a newspaper hot off the printing press (a machine that used to print ink words on paper before everyone went digital).

Newspaper (It’s all in the name: ‘news’ printed on paper).

May issue

Queen missing!

Queen discovered missing last night by her bit-on-the-side. Fortunately found ten minutes later playing cards with her husband Albert. The Queen was quoted as saying: “One is not amused” as a dozen royal guards descended on their game of cards and upset the table ruining their game of snap. A reliable source says the table is still depressed twenty-four hours after the incident and under close supervision.

Goat for sale

Grey goat, all teeth present, polished hooves. Will sell for £2 and a pack of stamps. Answers to the name of Figaro.

Elephant escapes: Speedos found

Lovable Trunky, of Dundee, managed to squeeze herself out of an air vent yesterday and went on the run. Luckily the crash of a peanut lorry with a butter truck on the M90 slowed her progress. In a bizarre turn of events a man watching the incident on television noticed his blue Speedos dangling from her tail. He had earlier reported them missing at the Olympic swimming pool. Rob Adams said, moments after phoning Channel 4 News, “I’m glad to have them back like, I cannae swim without them.” Mr Adams and his Speedos were happily reunited by recorded delivery this morning.

Phantom giant rat

No further news at this time. We have been unable to reliably verify the existance of the phantom rat.

Emma Parfitt

Proofreader for business and academic documents, translations, and English writing.


Leave a Reply

Avatar placeholder

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *